How far along is the Death Star?
Project status
Thanks for asking. We're happy to report that construction of the Death Star is progressing.
Not very fast, though.
Every headphone sold funds about 0.000001% of the project. Right now we've raised enough to build one bathroom and part of its lighting. The bathroom is located in block 7G, Jasse's personal studio area. He demanded working toilets before he agreed to do sound design for the battle station's command bridge.
A fair priority, we'd say.
Schedule
The original schedule was "someday". We're still on schedule.
Broken down in more detail:
- Phase 1: Bathrooms - 43% complete
- Phase 2: Coffee room - in planning (Moccamaster or Jura, internal dispute ongoing)
- Phase 3: Superlaser - waiting on budget
- Phase 4: Everything else - waiting on phase 3
Worth noting: the original Death Star famously had one critical design flaw, a small vent shaft that happened to fit a torpedo. We won't make the same mistake. Our vent shaft is repairable and spare parts are available. Because at Valco, everything gets fixed.
This happens to be the one actual fact in this article: Valco headphones have a modular design, which means every part can be replaced. You swap the ear pads yourself, and our service team replaces the rest, headband, speaker drivers, cables, for a fixed price. Unlike the Death Star's vent shaft, our products' weak points are designed to be serviced.
How can I speed up the project?
Buy more headphones. Buy some for your relatives. Buy some for the dog. The dog doesn't need headphones, but the Death Star needs funding.
You can also choose installment payments, in which case we finance your headphones and the Death Star at the same time. Capitalism at its finest.
When will it be done?
Once a small company manages to raise an estimated 850 trillion euros in headphone sales, the Death Star will be complete. Until then, we'll focus on making the best headphones in the world and drinking coffee.
If you want to follow the project's progress, we recommend subscribing to our newsletter. We won't report on the Death Star in it, but you'll hear about new products that can help speed up construction.
Bye, and thanks for all the money!
