How far along is the construction of the Death Star?
Current project status
Thanks for the question. We’re pleased to report that the construction of the Death Star is progressing.
Not very quickly, though.
Each pair of headphones sold funds about 0.000001% of the project. At the moment, we have raised enough money for one restroom and part of its lighting. The restroom is located in block 7G, which is Jasse’s personal studio area. He demanded working toilets before he agreed to do sound design for the battlefield command bridge.
A fair priority, we’d say.
Schedule
The original schedule was "sometime". We are still on schedule.
More specifically:
- Phase 1: Restrooms – 43% complete
- Phase 2: Coffee room – in planning (Moccamaster or Jura, internal dispute ongoing)
- Phase 3: Superlaser – awaiting budget
- Phase 4: Everything else – waiting for phase 3
It is worth noting that the original Death Star famously had one critical design flaw – a small ventilation port that a torpedo could fit into. We won’t make the same mistake. Our ventilation opening is repairable and you can get spare parts for it. Because at Valco, everything is repaired.
By the way, this is the one true fact in this article: The modular design of Valco headphones means that every part can be replaced individually. Headband, pads, driver units, cables – all of it. Unlike the Death Star’s ventilation port, the weak points of our products are designed to be serviceable.
How can I speed up the project?
Buy more headphones. Buy them for your relatives. Buy one for the dog. The dog doesn’t need headphones, but the Death Star needs funding.
You can also choose installment payments, in which case we’ll finance both your headphones and the Death Star at the same time. Capitalism at its finest.
When will it be ready?
Once a 14-person company manages to raise an estimated 850 trillion euros through headphone sales, the Death Star will be ready. Until then, we’ll focus on making the world’s best headphones and drinking coffee.
If you want to follow the project’s progress, we recommend subscribing to our newsletter. We don’t report on the Death Star there, but you’ll learn about new products you can use to speed up the construction.
Bye, and thanks for all the money!
