Valco Nordell Max, the speaker that will finally make your neighbors hate you
We finally finished something almost as big and loud as our egos: the Nordell Max. It's a speaker for you, the person who isn't satisfied with mere background music but wants the entire neighborhood to know exactly what you're listening to.
Here at Valco we spent a long time debating whether the world really needs another giant phone-controlled boombox. The answer was clear: not necessarily, but we needed money for new sports cars and the foundations of the Death Star, so we made this one good enough that you basically have no choice but to buy it.
Why is the Nordell Max better than the competitor's plastic boxes?
• Sound you can feel: Jasse Kesti, our resident audio hermit and genius, tuned this speaker himself. It doesn't just play sound, it reproduces music in a way that grows chest hair, even on women. There's enough power to host a small block party or trigger a full nervous breakdown in one apartment-block neighbor.
• A battery that outlasts your party: You can play music for hours. You'll probably run out of energy or friends before this thing runs out of charge. And if your phone dies mid-party, you can charge it straight from the speaker.
• Built to survive life (and a bit of water): The Nordell Max is water resistant. That doesn't mean you should take it ice swimming, but it'll survive rain, spilled beers, and the tears you'll shed once you realize how much money you've wasted on this too.
• A light show (if that's your thing): Yes, it has flashing lights. We think they're a bit tacky, but our marketing department (that's the two of us and the office dog) insists the kids love them. Luckily you can turn them off if you'd like to hang on to a shred of dignity.
Honest talk about quality
This speaker is big, it's heavy, and it's built to last. It's not some delicate design object you put a cactus on top of, it's a tool for having fun.
Fund our dream
When you buy the Nordell Max, you're not just buying a speaker. You're funding the dream of 14 Finnish men and women who want galactic domination. Every euro goes, unreduced (after taxes, damn it), straight into the Death Star, beer, and possibly some child support payments a few of us would rather not discuss in public.
So buy the Nordell Max. It's the best noise you'll ever be able to afford.
Can the Max handle frost and rain?
The Nordell Max is IPX4 splash resistant: patio rain and splashes won't bother it, but don't take it swimming (it's the most water-sensitive member of the Nordell family). As for frost, the manual is blunt about it: in serious cold (around −30 °C) the battery and plastics suffer, so in winter the Max is happier indoors than out on an ice-fishing sled.
